Is Zack a dad? NO
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Mission controlPaternity Detection System · Mk IV
Mission control
Telemetry: standing by · Served from CMH · Build ed4caf7c
CH-01 Greeting
Hello, visitor from Columbus, the United States.
Your browser speaks English, so the answer is simply no.
It is in London, where the answer is kept.
CH-02 Audience
0
people are anxiously refreshing this page right now.
CH-03 Checks
656
checks so far. The answer has been NO every time.
CH-04 Countdown
T-minus
2d 01h 49m 35s
until the due date, Tuesday, 10 November 2026. Due dates are, famously, suggestions.
The answer last changed UK time.
CH-05 You
?
We count how often you check, on your device only.
CH-06 7-day dad forecast
- Today 7 Nov Scattered nappies Chance of becoming a dad: 6%
- Tomorrow 8 Nov Scattered nappies Chance of becoming a dad: 6%
- Mon 9 Nov Scattered nappies Chance of becoming a dad: 6%
- Tue 10 Nov Scattered nappies Chance of becoming a dad: 6%
- Wed 11 Nov Scattered nappies Chance of becoming a dad: 6%
- Thu 12 Nov Scattered nappies Chance of becoming a dad: 6%
- Fri 13 Nov Scattered nappies Chance of becoming a dad: 6%
Probability that the baby arrives on each day, given that it hasn't already. Issued by the Met Office of Paternity. Not affiliated with any actual meteorologists.
- Today 7 Nov Red warning: dad imminent, take cover Chance of becoming a dad: 95%
- Tomorrow 8 Nov Scattered nappies Chance of becoming a dad: 5%
- Mon 9 Nov Mostly sunny, isolated twinges Chance of becoming a dad: <1%
- Tue 10 Nov Rainbows: almost certainly a dad by then Chance of becoming a dad: 0%
- Wed 11 Nov Rainbows: almost certainly a dad by then Chance of becoming a dad: 0%
- Thu 12 Nov Rainbows: almost certainly a dad by then Chance of becoming a dad: 0%
- Fri 13 Nov Rainbows: almost certainly a dad by then Chance of becoming a dad: 0%
Probability that the baby arrives on each day, given that it hasn't already. Issued by the Met Office of Paternity. Not affiliated with any actual meteorologists.
- Today 7 Nov Clear skies: already a dad Chance of becoming a dad: 0%
- Tomorrow 8 Nov Clear skies: already a dad Chance of becoming a dad: 0%
- Mon 9 Nov Clear skies: already a dad Chance of becoming a dad: 0%
- Tue 10 Nov Clear skies: already a dad Chance of becoming a dad: 0%
- Wed 11 Nov Clear skies: already a dad Chance of becoming a dad: 0%
- Thu 12 Nov Clear skies: already a dad Chance of becoming a dad: 0%
- Fri 13 Nov Clear skies: already a dad Chance of becoming a dad: 0%
Probability that the baby arrives on each day, given that it hasn't already. Issued by the Met Office of Paternity. Not affiliated with any actual meteorologists.
CH-07 Biometrics
The baby is currently the size of a mini watermelon.
Week 39, day 4 (estimated from the due date)
The baby is currently the size of a mini watermelon.
Week 39, day 4 (estimated from the due date)
The baby is no longer measured in fruit. The baby is measured in nappies per day.
CH-08 Readiness
Readiness unknown. The checklist is still being drawn up.
CH-09 Morale
7
good vibes sent to Jess & Zack so far. None have been noticed, all are appreciated.
CH-10 Dispatches
CH-11 Instruments
For when reading is too much effort, or not dramatic enough.
Spoken by your browser's own voice and drummed by its own audio hardware. No servers, files or musicians were involved.
CH-12 DADCON
DADCON 3 · ROUND HOUSE
- 5FADE OUT
- 4DOUBLE TAKE
- 3ROUND HOUSE
- 2FAST PACE
- 1IT'S HAPPENING
- 0DAD
Due within a week. Phones stay on loud. The car keeps at least half a tank.
Set by the due date and the answer, in London time. Not affiliated with any actual defence posture.
CH-14 Live map
The live map needs JavaScript. The busiest countries are on Anxiety analytics, and the raw numbers live at /api/countries.
Countries flash as people in them check, and vibes take off from wherever they were sent. Darker means more checks, all time. Map: Natural Earth, public domain.
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